If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
