when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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