I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
