my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
