he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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