I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize