I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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