I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize
