Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
