how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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