I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
