I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
its not stalking. its research.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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