I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I had to cum in my sink.
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