3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
