You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just cropdusted the office
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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