we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
