Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
