I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
