You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
