I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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