ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
