For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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