Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
