I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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