i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
