God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
