So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
