you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
