It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
