I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
