There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
