I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
