I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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