This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
