I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
