I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
