can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
