Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
we should paint friendship bongs
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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