She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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