I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
