in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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