if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
