evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
