I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
