i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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