i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
