I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
