If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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