soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
