I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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