New low: just hacked my moms facebook
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
