Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
