there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
