We're like a lot better than the average bears
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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