She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
